番茄社区

What is consent?

Text up top writes "consent starts with a conversation that involves..." A purple octopus is holding on signs that say "accepting rejection" or "taking responsibility".
Consent starts with a conversation that involves learning body cues to understanding power.

Respecting people’s boundaries and using consent in our daily lives is the best way to prevent sexualized violence. This involves not only understanding what the word consent means, but how to integrate it into all aspects of our everyday lives.

What to remember when it comes to consent

At UVic, consent is defined as “the voluntary agreement to engage in a contact or sexual activity and to continue to engage in the contact or activity. Consent means that all persons involved demonstrate, through words or actions that they freely and mutually agree to participate in a contact or activity.”

Consent starts with a conversation about...

  • Clear communication – being transparent about what you want so the other person can make an informed choice.
  • Asking before doing – be curious about what the other person wants by asking questions at the outset and before changing activities.
  • Taking responsibility – when you want to initiate an activity, you are responsible for asking for consent.
  • Respecting boundaries – when someone expresses a boundary, stop, listen and respect their choices.
  • Accepting rejection – be prepared for a ‘no’ and stop what you are doing, people can change their mind.
  • Learning body cues – people communicate with words and actions, learning non-verbal cues is an important part of practicing consent.
  • Ongoing Dialogue – consent is not a check-box exercise, it involves open and meaningful conversation.
  • Understanding power – there is no consent when the other person feels pressured, coerced, forced or threatened.

If someone is slurring, not making sense, not able to stand on their own, passed out, sleeping or has vomited – they are incapacitated and cannot consent.

Consent as an everyday practice

When we make consent a part of our everyday interactions, it becomes easier to ask for and give consent in intimate or sexual interactions. It is important to ask whether a person is comfortable with things like: unmasking, sitting physically close, meeting up in person or touching one another first.

For example, not everyone experiences a hug as a friendly hello or goodbye. If you want to hug someone, just ask! “Hey, can I give you a hug?” Similarly, if you are interested in someone and you want to send them a sexy picture of yourself, you should check in and ask first. For example, "do you want to see a picture of me getting out of the shower?" Remember, silence, or the absence of no does not equal consent. You need a clear "yes" before sending.

Keep in mind that there are power dynamics in our relationships with others that can make it hard for some people to freely consent and clearly say “yes” or “no”. We all need to be sensitive to non-verbal body language (e.g., moving away from a touch or embrace) or indirect communication (e.g., changing the subject or not answering directly). Being aware of all the ways people communicate their boundaries is the responsibility of the person wanting the physical and/or more intimate interaction.

Consent training

There are several different workshops available online and in person that cover the topic of consent and provide skills for students, staff, and faculty. Find out more about each below: